When a spouse has been caught in sexual sin or addiction, it’s easy to think of what he needs to do to recover. We can think of the books he should read, the conferences he should attend, and who should be on his accountability team. But what about a wife’s recovery from a broken heart?
A spouse’s recovery can occur in two primary ways. First, she will need to recover from the wounds experienced in her marriage. Her wounds will vary given the size of the offense and how her husband chooses to respond to her. This first layer of recovery takes time, and may require professional help. It’s never an easy road, but Christian marriages can be resilient. Some spouses will also need a second layer of recovery from their codependency.
I have to admit my own frustration with the word, codependency. It’s been overused in my opinion, and can mean a variety of different things. However, I’m stumped to come up with a better word.
Frequently the wife of an addict learns that she has been an enabler of the very behaviors that have hurt her. Though largely unconscious of her role in a dsyfunctional marriage, a wife may have said all the right things only to remain passive in the final analysis. Passivity is all an unrecovered addict needs to keep on rolling.
If you feel that you struggle with codependency, I’d encourage you to confess this condition to God as a sin of idolatry. As you move further into enjoying God, you will move farther away from the trap of being a people-pleaser. Relationships with others, even your marriage, can take on their rightful role in your life.
Paradoxically, your marital problems, can become your recovery path to greater intimacy with God.
Help and Hope for Women 