What Your Personal Recovery Can Mean to You

When a spouse has been caught in sexual sin or addiction, it’s easy to think of what he needs to do to recover. We can think of the books he should read, the conferences he should attend, and who should be on his accountability team. But what about a wife’s recovery from a broken heart?

A spouse’s recovery can occur in two primary ways. First, she will need to recover from the wounds experienced in her marriage. Her wounds will vary given the size of the offense and how her husband chooses to respond to her. This first layer of recovery takes time, and may require professional help. It’s never an easy road, but Christian marriages can be resilient. Some spouses will also need a second layer of recovery from their codependency.

I have to admit my own frustration with the word, codependency. It’s been overused in my opinion, and can mean a variety of different things. However, I’m stumped to come up with a better word.

Frequently the wife of an addict learns that she has been an enabler of the very behaviors that have hurt her. Though largely unconscious of her role in a dsyfunctional marriage, a wife may have said all the right things only to remain passive in the final analysis. Passivity is all an unrecovered addict needs to keep on rolling.

If you feel that you struggle with codependency, I’d encourage you to confess this condition to God as a sin of idolatry. As you move further into enjoying God, you will move farther away from the trap of being a people-pleaser. Relationships with others, even your marriage, can take on their rightful role in your life.

Paradoxically, your marital problems, can become your recovery path to greater intimacy with God.  

Preparing Yourself to Cope Effectively

If you’ve just learned that your husband or wife is involved in illicit sexual activity, now’s the time to prepare yourself to cope effectively. It’s not necessarily fair, but you’re the one who will have to insist on recovery.

Undoubtedly, emotions are going to wash over you like a tsunami. It’s not uncommon to be angry, frightened, disbelieving, and even embarrassed. But before you go under, remember that God is for you. If you stay grounded in him, you won’t drown.

I know that as Christians we can toss in a bunch of God-talk and flash a big smile, but I’m earnest. If you’re going to cope well, you must settle this truth once and for all – God is for you.

I encourage you to meditate on these verses, and call me if I can be help.

• Romans 8:28
• Romans 8:31
• Jeremiah 29:11

It’s Time for Greater Healing

If you’re reading this blog, there’s a good chance that you’re the wife of a man who struggles with sexuality. He may be into porn, affairs, or some other form of acting out. There’s also a good chance that you’ve already confronted him, and told him all the right things to do.

I’ve been specializing in marriages impacted by sexual sin since 1994, two years before the Internet made its public debut into our lives. Since that time, I’ve seen clients as young as seven and couples married for more than forty-seven years. Make no mistake, the Internet can invade anyone’s home, soul, and family.

If you or someone you love is living a double life, it’s time for greater healing. Let the healing begin first in you. From this vantage point you can look out and see what’s on the horizon, and will be better able to navigate a course that serves God, yourself, your spouse, and your children.

I hope you will contact me if you need help along the way, and please be sure to visit www.sexualintegrity.tv for a number of helpful resources.

1.888.891.4673 – Call Center and Fax (in the U.S.)
1.719.440.4893 – Office

Welcome to My New Blog!

I want to welcome you to my new blog. Even more, I’m excited to include your feedback as we develop content designed to serve women who are experiencing the heartache of sex addiction within their marriages.

Help and Hope for Women will feature what I’ve learned in over twelve years of specialization in treatment sex addiction, including adultery and pornography addiction. With this online service and a membership to the Interfaith Institute for Sexual Integrity, you’re going to become better informed, more centered, and ready to face difficult circumstances head on.

Together we can create a resource that speaks to your hearts!